Wednesday, June 18, 2014

A Woman's Brain on a Diet

So, in your thirties it has become just that much harder to lose weight. Ok, it hasn't really, but you definitely don't care as much as when you were twenty. But now I've decided I wanted to lose 10lbs and I am on a diet.  I wanted to show you all how crazy a woman's mind gets on a diet. I also added some links, which back up my craziness. 

Ok, so don't eat fat, ok you can have healthy fat like nuts, legumes, avocado and olive oil, but olive oil can only be used at room temperature and not heated because then it becomes carcinogenic and no one like a cancer molecule!


Don't eat red meat. Is horse a red meat? Aldi's sold horse meat. Either way it's full of cholesterol. No ground meat. I need to eat turkey, chicken and pork, but not turkey, chicken or ham as a deli meat because they are processed and full of nitrites. Definitely no salami, pepperoni or bologna- salt/ salt/ who knows. Tuna is good, but only in small amounts for a woman of child bearing age.


No soda, fried foods, sweets and absolutely no white sugar. No refined sugar. No agave sugar either because they just realized that is basically high-frutose corn syrup, thank goodness for brown sugar of course used sparingly.


No white anything really, no mayo,no white bread, no white rice, no full-fat cream cheese, no ranch (ouch), blue cheese, no alfredo or any other white pasta sauce or clear sauce (butter), red sauce is fine, but again without meat and preferably made from scratch, so you reduce the added sugar which is in store bought sauce. Forget it: Just eat it plain.


No sports drinks, fruit juice, lemonade or alcohol. Diet soda's can make me hungrier. Regular soda will make me fat. Blue Moon and other craft beers are around 400 calories a pop, which four equals my entire diet calorie limit for the day, no wine, it's sugar and calories, occasional red wine (one glass), note vodka is only 60 calories, straight bourbon, whiskey and tequila is ok too,  but avoid flavored vodkas which have added sugar.  No mojitos, margaritas or even moscow mules, all sugar. Forget it: Just drink water.

  • 10 oz Margarita – 550 Calories (4 oz. tequila, 4 oz. margarita/sour mix, 2 oz. triple sec, lime juice, 1 
  • McDonald’s Big Mac®- 540 Calories

 Fruits are only to be eaten in the morning and alone, I forget why, but obviously I thought it was a pretty legitimate when I read the various articles. Something about the time of day and digesting a fruits natural sugars. 


Reduce carbs! Yes, eat less of the following pretzels, bread, pastas, pitas, breadcrumbs, croutons, buns, popcorn, potatoes, no bagels, no english muffins or waffles, no bread rolls, crescent rolls ect… ect… ect… . Only multi-grain bakery baked bread, nothing pre-packaged because of preservatives.


Eat Mor Chicken! except make sure you don't cook it in olive oil or canola oil,  sugary marinades, breadcrumbs, white or butter sauces, take the skin off of it and just basically use chicken broth preferably organic, yeah, make sure the chicken is organic, antibiotic free, a virgin and has a southern accent. No wings! Fried Chicken! Nope even those that are "grilled" at the restaurant were pre-fried before the company ordered them.


Veggies, eat all in site, you should basically become a piece of lettuce. Organic only. 


Eat pickles, but only the vinegar pickles as the bread and butter have added sugar. Only shop on the outside of the grocery store. Buy nothing in a box except multi-grain pasta and nothing frozen except vegetables. Don't even think of the low-fat frozen entrees with the ridiculous amounts of sodium. 


Eat yogurt, even if you don't like it, Greek yogurt is high in protein, but can have a ton of sugar, check the label, no yogurt with granola or crunchies, granola is fattening and crunches, are processed something or other.  Oh and creamer, don't get the regular which is high in sugar and fat, don't get fat free because it has hidden sugar, sugar free is the way to go.



Cereal: Only low sugar cereals, preferably one that tastes like cardboard because it is high in fiber and protein, which keeps you full and keeps you regular. Check sugar content always.  Granola bars check sugar, buy high-protein. 


Check the side of the box. If there are more then eight ingredients involved don't eat it. If sugar is in the first three ingredients don't eat it. If there are ingredients you can't pronounce it is probably processed, don't eat it. Basically go back to what i said before, don't eat anything in a  box. 



Soup: Don't buy the soup in a can or anything in a can, carcinogens. Buy the soup in the cardboard box, but check the sugar and sodium content


Going out to eat, just don't!  No pizza either. Or Chinese. Sushi can be just as bad tons of salt, MSG's and just say no to tempura or sushi with a sauce. Opt for brown rice. 

So basically at the end…you are left wondering what the heck you should eat!

If you made it through this list. You are probably a woman and were interested in getting a diet brain of your very own. I don't follow all of these all the time and I am not a nutritionist and some of this is probably wrong, hearsay or will change according to webmd in a week, but this is literally how my brain processes eating and grocery shopping while on a diet. It's exhausting and mentally taxing, on top of you being well…hungry. Thank goodness for cheat days : ) 

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