Honey, Let's Go Camping and other tales of the Wilderness

Every woman has heard it, "Honey let's go camping"…Some women awkwardly laugh like it is a terrible joke, some simply make a small grunting noise and ignore their partner completely and others for some odd reason start excitedly packing the minute they hear it. When my fiancé Chris asked me I personally went through all the stages of grieving. First, I was in denial, he's not really serious is he? He is not really suggesting I spend my weekend in a tent on the ground, in the mud, is he? A tent which is susceptible to bear penetration.

 Anger and Bargaining

Ok, so I really didn't get angry. I probably skipped the whole anger stage and went directly into bargaining. Wouldn't you rather go to a comedy show and dinner? How about a big steak dinner? A huge steak dinner…I'll buy.  What about we go in a few weeks? It might rain, we should wait to go. Luke Bryan is in town? You love Luke Bryan. We should go see him INSTEAD.

Very soon after my bargaining skills failed I hit stage four….Depression. It's really happening. I'm going camping. How did this happen? Isn't there someone I can call? I feel so trapped and alone. Why? WHY?! 

www.personal.psu.edu

Which eventually led to acceptance, although I did revert to bargaining again just before giving in. 

I packed quickly the morning of the trip throwing random stuff from around the house in a bag. I left behind my …gasp...makeup (which I put on everyday whether or not I leave the house because it makes me feel more put together). I left behind my expensive shampoos, my hairspray, lotions, potions and spells, my blowdryer and my sundresses.  Sigh…my coffee maker, air conditioning, my vehicle, my dog and cat, my computer and all of the other things that I hold dear to my heart and headed off into the wilderness.

The drive through the county to Parker Dam was beautiful with puffy white clouds hanging like overstuffed pillows over pristine farms and rolling mountains. The clouds looked exactly like the overstuffed pillows that I, ironically, was leaving behind. 

We rolled into a pretty little campground full of happy campers doing happy camping things, in their happy camping clothes and I was optimistic. I even began thinking I should have brought my Brownies sash because I would be rolling in new  outdoor achievement patches by the end of the weekend.

So, you pay a fee to rent the "area", which consists of a grassy patch that comes with a complimentary fire pit and a picnic table. Amenities also include large jutting rocks and roots, poison ivy,  stinging and crawling bugs, wild rabid animals and of course extra mud for the ladies.  

The Spot

After setting up it was time to fish! Now, I actually fished quite a bit when I young, so this part was really exciting to me. That was until we had to find "the spot".  Now the park was situated adjacent to a very large lake funneled in from a nearby creek, so I thought "the spot" would be rather easy to find. We started by circling the lake and parking by the beach area. "This was not the spot". Then we drove to where the boat ramp area was. "This was not the spot". Then we parked and walked through the woods   along the edge of the creek in tall snake filled grass, only to realize this "WAS NOT THE SPOT" and we had to turn around and head back. Walking back out of the woods we determined that the mouth of the lake was also "NOT THE SPOT!!!!!". Finally after two hours, we walked back to the truck and I said there was a trail at the top of the hill and determined "that was the spot" basically because I was not going to look for another one. 

Here I am at the "spot", finally 

At the spot we set up our fishing zone. We picked up fishing licenses, so I was determined to catch a trout, however all I caught was a bluegill by the eye. I didn't have a picture, so the one below is an exact replica of the fish that I caught.

Yup, totally the same size

After a couple hours of fishing and snagging another bluegill it was time to head back to camp to cook up some yummy food. Chris was sweet enough to bring me healthy veggie and meat shish kabobs because I had been putting so much time and effort into my diet. We mistakenly forgot to bring tongs, so we had to figure out a makeshift way of removing the food from the super-hot flame-licked grill. Now this is where men and women differ. I chose to use a pair of scissors. Easy, simple and effective. Chris, however, decided on two pieces of sliced wood. Was it more effective then the scissors? No, but I saw that he chose it because it made him more of "mountain man". I said nothing and just sat bemused at his primal wilderness tactics.

Literally, the look on his face…

After dinner and a couple drinks, I was able to get him to slow dance under the stars. One of my favorite memories of the night.  Afterwards, he brought me to the outdoor amphitheater to stargaze. It was probably no more then a quarter mile into the woods, however he did not want me to use my flashlight because he wanted my eyes to adjust to the darkness to see the stars better. 

Here is how I felt at that moment. 

Needless to say, I made it safely down the dark woodsy path (after insisting on using my flashlight). He chose this particular campground because it was in one of the darkest spots in Pennsylvania which meant we could see even more stars then normal. We laid a blanket down on the ground and pointed out stars, satellites, planets, jets and constellations. I was also delighted to see four shooting stars. It was truly the most stars I have ever seen in one place. That was definitely my favorite moments of the weekend…that was until he pointed out an odd glowing red light in the woods which he claimed was Sasquatch …yep, time to go back to camp.

I slept fairly well overnight with no crazy bears, raccoons or other rabid animals disturbing my slumber, but I awoke the next  morning to this in my face. Now, in reality this  darling Daddy Long Legs would do me no harm, however it was magnified because of it's close proximity to my eye causing me to gasp out loud and frantically kick and jump  to get away from it. Oh….camping….and all of its perks.

A few hours after the spidey scare I was ready to fish again. Crawling back down to the now designated "spot", we were surprised to see that at 9:30am we were the only ones fishing. Once again this spot, turned out to not be "the spot", so we decided to travel to a new lake altogether, so we packed up and wished Parker Dam a fond farewell. First, we tried Treasure Lake only to find out it was more like a weird Stepford wives private community in the middle of nowhere than a great fishing spot. After that, we tried Kyle Lake, however our GPS continuously told us to turn around while passing the lake on 79 in both directions, so after off-roading on some country path we gave up and decided to drive to the ever-familiar Moraine State Park. 

ahhhhhhh…my heaven

Did I mention, I love boats and water! I have no complaints about our three hours on the boat, except when we illegally jumped into the water and I badly bruised my foot trying to get back into the boat sans ladder. It was so hot though it was worth it.  I caught two more bluegill, tried once again to catch a trout, practiced using a crank bait, wore flip flops, a bathing suit and got a nice tan, I was in heaven. We finished up with blue Slushies and headed home, but the camping didn't stop there! After watching the U.S. vs Portugal he cooked me Turkey Hot Dogs and made stovetop s'mores! A great end to a pretty great weekend.

Boat time with my beau! 

All and all, I …ahem…had a pretty good time, but don't tell him that because then he will want to take me more often then I would like.  Would I consider myself a camping fanatic? Absolutely not. Would I go again?  Perhaps in a month or…so…. I need to go through the grieving process all over again. The moral of the story it: You gotta do what you gotta do for the one you love…all so you can get a fancy dinner once and awhile.  

A Woman's Brain on a Diet

So, in your thirties it has become just that much harder to lose weight. Ok, it hasn't really, but you definitely don't care as much as when you were twenty. But now I've decided I wanted to lose 10lbs and I am on a diet.  I wanted to show you all how crazy a woman's mind gets on a diet. I also added some links, which back up my craziness. 

Ok, so don't eat fat, ok you can have healthy fat like nuts, legumes, avocado and olive oil, but olive oil can only be used at room temperature and not heated because then it becomes carcinogenic and no one like a cancer molecule!

Choosing Healthy Fats

Don't eat red meat. Is horse a red meat? Aldi's sold horse meat. Either way it's full of cholesterol. No ground meat. I need to eat turkey, chicken and pork, but not turkey, chicken or ham as a deli meat because they are processed and full of nitrites. Definitely no salami, pepperoni or bologna- salt/ salt/ who knows. Tuna is good, but only in small amounts for a woman of child bearing age.

The Truth About Lunch Meat

No soda, fried foods, sweets and absolutely no white sugar. No refined sugar. No agave sugar either because they just realized that is basically high-frutose corn syrup, thank goodness for brown sugar of course used sparingly.

The Truth About Agave

No white anything really, no mayo,no white bread, no white rice, no full-fat cream cheese, no ranch (ouch), blue cheese, no alfredo or any other white pasta sauce or clear sauce (butter), red sauce is fine, but again without meat and preferably made from scratch, so you reduce the added sugar which is in store bought sauce. Forget it: Just eat it plain.

The Danger of Refined Sugar

No sports drinks, fruit juice, lemonade or alcohol. Diet soda's can make me hungrier. Regular soda will make me fat. Blue Moon and other craft beers are around 400 calories a pop, which four equals my entire diet calorie limit for the day, no wine, it's sugar and calories, occasional red wine (one glass), note vodka is only 60 calories, straight bourbon, whiskey and tequila is ok too,  but avoid flavored vodkas which have added sugar.  No mojitos, margaritas or even moscow mules, all sugar. Forget it: Just drink water.

• 10 oz Margarita – 550 Calories (4 oz. tequila, 4 oz. margarita/sour mix, 2 oz. triple sec, lime juice, 1 
• McDonald’s Big Mac®- 540 Calories

Craft Beer Calories

Wine Calories

 Fruits are only to be eaten in the morning and alone, I forget why, but obviously I thought it was a pretty legitimate when I read the various articles. Something about the time of day and digesting a fruits natural sugars. 

The Major Rule for Eating Fruit

Reduce carbs! Yes, eat less of the following pretzels, bread, pastas, pitas, breadcrumbs, croutons, buns, popcorn, potatoes, no bagels, no english muffins or waffles, no bread rolls, crescent rolls ect… ect… ect… . Only multi-grain bakery baked bread, nothing pre-packaged because of preservatives.

Ten Reasons White Bread is Bad

Eat Mor Chicken! except make sure you don't cook it in olive oil or canola oil,  sugary marinades, breadcrumbs, white or butter sauces, take the skin off of it and just basically use chicken broth preferably organic, yeah, make sure the chicken is organic, antibiotic free, a virgin and has a southern accent. No wings! Fried Chicken! Nope even those that are "grilled" at the restaurant were pre-fried before the company ordered them.

Chicken Buyers Guide by WEbMD

Veggies, eat all in site, you should basically become a piece of lettuce. Organic only. 

The Ten Healthiest Vegetables

Eat pickles, but only the vinegar pickles as the bread and butter have added sugar. Only shop on the outside of the grocery store. Buy nothing in a box except multi-grain pasta and nothing frozen except vegetables. Don't even think of the low-fat frozen entrees with the ridiculous amounts of sodium. 

How Processed Foods Affect Your Health

Eat yogurt, even if you don't like it, Greek yogurt is high in protein, but can have a ton of sugar, check the label, no yogurt with granola or crunchies, granola is fattening and crunches, are processed something or other.  Oh and creamer, don't get the regular which is high in sugar and fat, don't get fat free because it has hidden sugar, sugar free is the way to go.

6 Myths about Greek Yogurt

Cereal: Only low sugar cereals, preferably one that tastes like cardboard because it is high in fiber and protein, which keeps you full and keeps you regular. Check sugar content always.  Granola bars check sugar, buy high-protein. 

How to Choose Healthy Cereals

Check the side of the box. If there are more then eight ingredients involved don't eat it. If sugar is in the first three ingredients don't eat it. If there are ingredients you can't pronounce it is probably processed, don't eat it. Basically go back to what i said before, don't eat anything in a  box. 

Soup: Don't buy the soup in a can or anything in a can, carcinogens. Buy the soup in the cardboard box, but check the sugar and sodium content

Campbells lied about BPA in Cans

Going out to eat, just don't!  No pizza either. Or Chinese. Sushi can be just as bad tons of salt, MSG's and just say no to tempura or sushi with a sauce. Opt for brown rice. 

So basically at the end…you are left wondering what the heck you should eat!

If you made it through this list. You are probably a woman and were interested in getting a diet brain of your very own. I don't follow all of these all the time and I am not a nutritionist and some of this is probably wrong, hearsay or will change according to webmd in a week, but this is literally how my brain processes eating and grocery shopping while on a diet. It's exhausting and mentally taxing, on top of you being well…hungry. Thank goodness for cheat days : )