Red Lipstick: A Social Experiment

There seems to be a phenomenon that I discovered in a seemingly innocent way,  a halloween costume.  I decided this past Halloween to be a parisian and to match the red scarf and beret I slicked on some bright red lipstick. Little did I know that this lipstick, all waxy and wonderful, would elevate my dating life to such exorbitant extents.

In the past two weeks alone, I have been asked for my number nine times and had two exes trailing me out of the blue, not to mention a stalker calling me at work and a pop in from a guy during Light up Night. I have done nothing to change my approach, always acting slightly aloof because that's just generally how I am and always a little hard to pin down because of my hectic work schedule.  Honestly after the massacre of last years holiday season with the boyfriend who hated holidays, I'm not particularly looking for anything to destroy my Christmas spirit this season, but I guess a few dates won't hurt. ; )

So, is all of this recent attention because of the holiday season approaching and people don't want to be alone crying into their figgy pudding? Or is it merely because I changed the natural hue of my lips to something of more seductive properties? I have researched several articles in regards to this matter. According to LiveScience, a behavioral study done in France found that waitresses wearing red lipstick got higher amounts of tips when donning the crimson shade. So, maybe I'm not crazy for thinking that this little tinted tube has magical powers.

Red is known to be a color of love and passion, so is this simply making me look like i'm throwing my sexuality down a man's throat? Or is it merely as provocative as a slightly shorter hemline or a peak of cleavage or a pair of leg eating boots? Putting this theory to the test, I have sent a test subject out into the night wearing the dubious red lipstick with confirming results. She claimed wearing the red lipstick worked (exclamation point!) and she reportedly "hypnotized" her ex by wearing the sultry shade.

At ManchesterUniversity, a study tracking eye movements and their role in attraction found that men stared at women with pink lips only 6.7 seconds as opposed to the 7.3 seconds of oogling at women in red lipstick.  So perhaps through wearing my red lipstick, I have finally maximized my pout attraction.

This isn't the first time this phenomenon has occurred. Back in the early 2000's during my Britney phase I had a pink hat and oh, what a wonderful pink hat that was! My friends would grimace each time I wore it because like the red lips it grabbed attention. I could have been picking my nose or my friends nose and guys would still approach me, but that is a study for another day.

At the end of the day, I find my red lipstick fun as well as  empowering! So, I suggest to all ladies out there to give it a try and let me know how it goes. The color can be a little overwhelming at first, but once you accept it looks classic and not clownish you can begin to have a little fun with it.

As for the keepers of my cell phone number, they have easily self-eliminated themselves and I now have complete faith that this will continue to happen till there is one man left standing. I wish I had a buzzer for weeks like this. You live at home with your mom and don't have a job.....BUZZZ. You don't call after saying let's meet up BUZZZZZ. You have bad breath BUZZZZZ..  You are a complete WHACK JOB! BUZZZZZZZZZ





Red Lipstick
http://www.thenews.com.pk/latest-news/5841.htm


Red Lipstick in Science!
http://www.livescience.com/20243-waitress-tips-red-lipstick.html

You're So Much Cuter When You Don't Speak

Part One: The System

So, my adventure in Match world continues. In the past two weeks I have received 89 emails, 377 clicked that they are interested and 102 winks, but I can't seem to find that guy. lol. So, much like in the real world, I make it a point not to make the first move. So no winks or emails are sent from me. I do partake in the "interested" daily line up because it reminds me of the show singled out.  So, I am usually in the driver seat when it comes to choosing my "suitors".

Email reading for me is determined based on my primal urges. Yep, I judge your looks first. Sorry, it's true. You could probably write me the most clever, witty and romantic email I have ever received and unfortunately I didn't read it because I couldn't get past your first profile pic.

When you get that many emails, winks and interested gentleman clogging up your inbox you have to start a process of elimination. Terrifying duck-faced ginger. No bueno! There is no way I am going to read the email of a guy who makes more duck faces in his photos then a group of sorority girls at a frat party. Not saying I only look for uber attractive guys, in fact, the perfect looking guys scare me, but looks are just the first step in the lengthy process of writing back.

The second step is reading their qualifications. Ok, so it sounds like a job interview, but you wouldn't put yourself out there to meet an employer you dedicate your life to looking dowdy and give a resume with McDonald's as your only job reference. You make it and yourself look employable, or in this case dateable. So all of all of the following apply: The nice guy, the goofball, the rich guy, the sporty guy, the loveable guy.

So, I go down the list. Here for : Dating, Relationship, Friendship, whatever the other ones are. I usually skip the "daters". I mean, if i'm paying to be on here I don't want someone for dating..aka...casual sex. I can find that asshole in any bar. So, I typically look for people who are looking for something a little more meaningful. Not saying that sparks will fly and we will be toasting over walnuts during the holidays, but at least someone who has the right intentions.

Next, I go through his physical attributes. How tall. Sorry, small guys. Not my type, but I have a friend who likes your height a lot. Physically, not too big, but average, slender, muscular ect...Ok, this is where match kind of fails. We are too quick to judge based on looks, but don't you do that anyway? I mean at least until you actually have a conversation with someone. First impressions people.

I like to hit up the pictures for a bit. Is it too quintessential? Guy with sports, guy with family, guy with dog, guy with kids, guy doing something silly. Yes, that is the regular lineup. I just like to see one clear face shot, so I know what I'm dealing with.

Then I head to their work. Pretty much all flies here. A guy who has passion for his career is really all i'm looking for. Ok and the salary above 50,000. JK. Unless he does construction...is extremely hot or is a personal trainer or masseuse. It has to even out.

Kids. I usually like to see a "Definitely" marked, but I still will dabble with the "Someday" remark unless of course you are 39 and never been married and "Someday" want kids. Red Flag for commitment phobes. Really, your swimmers will need floaties by the time you decide what you want.

Exercise...ok every guy and girl writes 3-4 times a week or more. I wrote it as well and I have exercised 1 day this week. Close enough. Ok, I may even be lying about that just to give myself the credit of wanting to workout this week. Isn't baking cookies a workout? That dough was tough!

So, if he made it past the gauntlet, then comes the fun part. I will actually read and respond to your email. Well, if there isn't too many typos and spelling errors. I hate a guy with really poor spelling. Hello, I was an English major. I can't help myself. Slap that email into Microsoft word if you have to and use a spell check. (this does not apply to me in return, I can't put a comma on a page).

Part Two: Implementing the System

Now, this past Monday, a guy made it through my checklist, doesn't happen often. Although I made an exception for the Divorced status and his two kids "who occasionally live at home", I love kids, a divorce could be for any reason and plus he was, of course, pretty cute.

So, upon my response he quickly wrote back and we continued this banter for the majority of the day. Now, day one is information day. Tell me about you and please try to do it in a witty banter so I think you are smart and funny and keep my interests up.

All day we wrote back and forth until he got bored with accessing the app and asked if he could text. So, then a texting conversation began. Text ...text..text.. Wanna grab coffee....text...text...text. Ok, I do have a life and was mildly annoyed that I couldn't go twenty minutes all day without having to drop everything to text. Then around ten he asked if he could call. I said he could call a little later.

Ring Ring... I'm not sure what happened, but this conversation was probably one of the worst conversation of my entire existence. I'm not positive, but i'm pretty sure he was sooo drunk that he was slurring his words. I mean totally shitbombed. I would ask him a basic question and he would go silent and then slur a question right back at me totally ignoring mine. I felt like I was talking to a muppet with a styrafoam muffled mouth whose puppeteer took a downer and then drank whiskey while tripping on shrooms. This continued about five minutes until I just said I had to go and hung up astonished by what had just taken place.

So, at the end of the day, I spent hours emailing and texting all to get some crazy person on the other side of the phone. Needless to say, my Java will be made in the comfort of my own house for the rest of the week. In the end of it and despite my tedious match selection process, match.com failed me. But then again if I was at the bar and spent the night talking to some guy he would end up in the same sloppy way, but at least I would have seen it coming.  It's a lose lose situation. Until next time.

So, call me maybe? Not if I can help it.

So, back when your were about twenty, there was no way to hold back from the deadly drunk dial. Now, texting has made ignoring your whims even harder. It's not like the person might be sleeping and you would wake them, or their roommate, mother, father or wife or the latter, a text is just a little noise, a little beep or chime, a quick burst of acknowledgment, that can easily be slept through, not to mention a text feels anonymous because you don't actually have to speak to the person out loud. As you grow older, you try to have a little more self-control, especially someone like myself who constantly over thinks everything. So, I have devised some strategies as to avoid calling or texting someone even when your will is failing you.


METHOD 1

The first method can only be used for a short period of time, but if used correctly, you can come across the person who "doesn't care" and "has a life". The person who isn't going to call because "life is just that much better without you". Yeah, right. Now the first method only works if you have not memorized the callers number. So, for those coming out of long term relationships, sorry, you will have to try method two. Cell phones have made this even easier then back in the dialing days. You rarely need to type in a number, therefore, when would you have the opportunity to actually memorize the number? So, take the contact you wish to avoid and simply give it to a trusted friend.

Of course this method should be activated quickly,  most effectively a day to a few weeks after a break up when you are not ready to actually delete the number in its entirety because their is that chance, maybe, possibly, hopefully it could work out, so just give the number from your phone to a friend and delete the contact off your phone immediately. Then not only do you still have the number floating amongst your inner circle, but also you have to completely convince your friend why you need to call or text this person if your desire spikes. It can't just be because you are sad, because you're having a singles panic attack (i.e. when you realize you are single, so any guy, any guy on your phone starts looking like prince charming again), because you found a snotty tissue he once used and you wanted to call to see if he was feeling better three months after you broke up, no stupid, pathetic reasons. Again, this only works if you do not remember the number.

METHOD 2

Now, if you have mentally ingrained the number in your memory there is no use in deleting it. If you do delete it, you will remember it and use it, case closed. So, in method two you keep the number, but change the name. Now you don't change the name to something like "loser" or "asshole" because after a few years of dating you will never remember which guy is which because those generic nicknames will accumulate, so instead you make it a self-reflecting derogatory statement that begins with the first letter of their first name. So, let's say your ex's name is Tom (no I have never dated a Tom, so this is simply an example).

Tom's name could be changed to "Thumb sized jerk, why don't you just clip his toenails for him" or "Totally cheap mamas boy, why don't you invite her into bed too". So, basically you use things that really annoyed you about the person and remind yourself why you are being completely foolish in calling or texting that person. Plus, it always helps to laugh on their behalf when you look their name up.

Other Examples:

Jim- Jackass 3am caller who never once has been seen in daylight

Bob- Butt-face who only dates you between other girls

Carl- Claustrophobic, close-talker who you've dumped four times

Dean- Designated disaster-case who weeps like a little girl

Steve- Sorry excuse for a man, who slept with your ex-best friend

So, here are two methods to stop yourself from contacting that guy you just can't help yourself around. I would like to say this method doesn't have some failures. Like when you erase the number and give it to a friend, but somehow you managed to memorize it in the 30 seconds it took for them to enter it in their phone or that despite the derogatory connotation, you still wanted to expose yourself to another disappointing answer or complete diss. But then again this method has worked for myself and my friends in the past. So, try it and let me know if it works for you.

The Reverse Termination

So, unfortunately it seems that the relationship with mystery match has dissipated. I also, saw this happening about a month before. When we first met he lived alone in a town about an hour away, so we commuted back and forth during the week. On the 4th of July, when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I met his best friend from college. His best friend had just recently got out of a relationship with his girlfriend, whom he was trying to marry at the time, but to his dismay his relationship also dissipated. Problem #1. Best friend is now single and needs bro time. I have nothing against this friend and totally accepted the fact they needed to have time to go out without some chick around.

In August, mystery match also found a new apartment with his friend, a 25-year-old he went to college with who was also single. Problem #2: Roommates. Why in your late twenties would you want to have a roommate? The roommate was nice and did no wrong, but ya know when someone else lives in the house they are always around, no privacy.  So, it started to become me and mystery date and roommate. Including a triple tooth brush session and sharing a roast I cooked especially for my man. 

The new apartment also led to bro parties where I was the only girl. It seemed as if I was losing my man to his friends. Why would he want a girlfriend while in the midst of a college reunion? I was becoming a third wheel. So, this all led up to Labor day. On Wednesday, he said he would call on Thursday. Thursday led to Saturday. No call. Finally I wrote "What's the deal"? I should also tell you that a few weeks prior he also dropped the L-Bomb while half asleep. Really, too soon, so I just asked if he remembered it and if he had meant it, which he said yes and yes. 

So, the reply on labor day was "things just moved crazy fast, I like you, i'm just not sure blah blah blah. You want commitment This continued for two weeks of being told lets hang out to being blown off again to where I finally just said I need to make myself happy, i'm out of here.  Yes, it does feel somewhat better to do the reverse breakup, make it seem like I wanted that, when really i'm not exactly thrilled at being in the single dating pool again. Wait, what just happened? 

Now excuse me if i'm wrong, but I didn't ask you to be in a relationship and I certainly wasn't trying to throw out the L-Bomb anytime soon. So, wasn't it you who moved extremely fast. I was just trying to go with the flow. You made it complicated, but it's always us girls. Also, I have no need to run down an aisle or get impregnated with your man seed anytime soon. It's been three months. I'm not completely insane. 

So now i'm back to the single world, ugh, and I swear every guy that you hadn't seen while in a relationship crawls back out of the singles cave (some more appreciated than others). So, i'm not exactly ready to pop back on Match or even go on a date. Partially, because I hope Mr. Match will have some sort of realization that his friends don't exactly want to be single, it's just what it was or that of course he thinks i'm the most wonderful person he has ever met and he can't believe he ever let me go and that he must, must have me back! Not likely. 

Ugh, so I will try to make this into a positive change starting today. That I was meant to move on for something better and all that crap. One good thing is that the blog can now resume for your reading pleasure. 

My Inner Goddess Wants to Beat Up Your Inner Goddess.

So, I am halfway through my second book of the "Shades of Grey" series and I should have stopped after the first. I mean, to whomever who pointed out the repetition of the phrase "inner goddess", I hate you. Now, that's all I see is her inner goddess over and over and over. Oh my inner goddess is so alive..."oh my inner goddess loves to look at him"..."oh my inner goddess loves to take it in the ass"....blah blah blah.  But in reality she is completely lame...just like the writing in the book. Let's face it, not many of us have been reading literary porn recently. So, it was kind of nice to imagine this dark sinister world of hot, seedy sex, but it failed. She is taming him and all the sexual tension in the book. I mean give me a hey-yo! for all of you who wanted some more red room of pain! Hey Yo! But she said no.

 I would have rather read what happened between Mr. Grey and his former submissives at this point. Now, that would be a very naughty book. Now, she's re-virginizing him. Wow, domineering Mr. Grey is turning into a weepy, whiny, weakling. Not sexy at all. Not to mention the sex passages last about as long as they do in real life and are completely unrealistic. You did not lose your virginity and orgasm three times! Seriously! Really! That is complete bullocks! Now, I vow to read all three of the books in their entirety even if it's painful...no pun intended.

In retrospect, men watch porn all the time because they are visual. Women are mental when it comes to sex...so we expect something good, real good if it is projected to be that way, especially when you hear that millions of sex crazed women are ripping the books off the shelves, so why so tame and sooo lame.   Maybe I just have to write the next one.

By the way I have a bf! - Just had to tell you : )

The Nameless Wonder

So, there is a point in which I have been pondering over the past few weeks and it has been brought to a head. How do I tell the guy I'm dating...hey, I've been blogging about our past few weeks while getting to know you. Now, I have been dating for say 15 years and I know that dating is difficult, in fact, sometimes quite challenging, so how could I have known that it would actually get to this point with Mr. Match.

My original intentions for this blog, was to show the process of dating on Match.com, not expecting that it would work out (for now) with the first guy I meet up with. Even at this point, there is no definition to our relationship specifically, but things are beginning to take action. Most obviously is daily interactions, dates planned weeks in advance and the time we spend together doubling. So, now do I discontinue the blog and never mention it to him or do I fess up to the blog hoping it isn't an issue and continue keeping my readers entertained?

I know I have already made a decision which is to tell him about the blog, just because "honesty is almost always the best policy, almost always." How do you even bring that up "So, darling, honey bunches of oats, schmooky, jif peanut butter heart on toast, I have been discussing our dating with 700 of my closest friends. Hmmm. Well the good thing is that he is a writer as well, so maybe he will understand the need for me to broadcast my creative voice. Or he could just feel stark naked in a sea of overexposure.

One good thing is that the publicity has been good for him on his part. No weird nostrils or third nipples, no underdeveloped pinky toe or fascinations with cotton balls. The nameless wonder from match.com isn't half bad. Well it's time to make a decision! Please feel free to help me approach the subject. Advice always appreciated : )

My Life in Florida vs. Yinzer Family Vacation!

Courtesy of : http://www.littlenummies.net/

The Return of Purple Panda

   So, I'm sure you are all wondering how my date went with Mr. Match. Well, our original date was re-scheduled due to an unfortunate circumstance, so we ended up seeing Jazz at the James Street Gastropub and Speakeasy in North Side this past Thursday.

  So, somehow when I first got to James Street the topic of the Purple Panda came up. Now, if you don't know anything about the Purple Panda incident, it is a viral You Tube video featuring Mr. McFeely, twenty-five screaming, hysterical children and of course a purple panda. As the story goes, Mr. McFeely and the purple panda visited a day care or preschool a few months ago and had a very bad day. Where is Mr. Rogers when you need him? So, it seems that one particular little girl in attendance was terrified of costumed characters, much like my fear of the furries, so when the purple panda walked in she began to cry and all of the other children in the class got immediately scared and cried as well. Let the chaos begin.

 The reason this story is relevant is because I work at a cartoon art museum at the time we were preparing to bring Mr. McFeely to the Chicago Comic Con as a guest speaker just as the video went viral. Mr. McFeely was mortified over the incident and almost cancelled his trip. So, for a few days, the atmosphere at the museum was full on panic.

  Well it just so happens, that my date, was the one who taped the segment for his newspaper and posted it to the web. It seems that it was the poor guys first week on the job and he never in a million years thought that the video would go viral, but that's I guess why it's called viral in the first place. How ironic is it that only months before this guy I just met had a very strange impact on my work life.

Now back to the date itself. I am all for a swanky, jazz club date. The singer on stage sang breathy versions of everything from Kayne West, to Shade, to Oasis. We talked about his youth as a nerdy orchestra player and I revealed one of my most highly hidden (well not anymore) secrets and that is my passion and adoration for Reba McIntyre. Reba! Yeah, the show too, which admittedly is pretty awful, but I love Reba. We ended up heading out to my favorite pub for a night cap after the show where he sang me bad 80's music, so I consider us even.

1 Week Later

So, Mr. Match and I have been on five dates, well three dates and two hang outs total. I drove to the middle of nowhere for dinner, literally an hour away. Seriously, why do all the guys I date have to live so far away?! But, I was very excited that he decided to cook me dinner and oh what a bachelor pad he has. I say this after I sat on his exercise bike in his kitchen while he cooked. So, dinner was great, other than the caper berry I tried (I like regular capers, but this was disgusting, but that is neither here, nor there). I just was ecstatic that I was being cooked a meal by a guy! How wonderful!

So we watched a movie and after the movie he flipped on comedy central and a show, unfamiliar to myself was on called Metocapolyse, or something like that. The cartoon was about a group of hard core rockers and they play hard rock anytime any one swears...What a guys show. Anyway, in the middle of the show the characters suddenly started screaming in a loud booming voice " MARRIAGE IS AWFUL, DON'T EVER DO IT, 2 YEARS AND YOU WILL BE DIVORCED, WOMEN ARE THE DEVIL....and on and on for at least five minutes. Now, I am not running to the altar. Trust me on that, but geez, it was the most awkward five minutes of my life. I am still shaking my head over that moment. And don't even get me started on the Comedy Central Show that we watched later where babies heads were being eaten.

So, despite the awkwardness of the moment, the date went well and we have hung out a couple times since relishing the fact that we have a similar love for peanut butter and jelly, but peanut butter without jelly or jelly without peanut butter, and peanut butter toast in the morning is the shit! Also, that both our mother's used to swirl a heart on our open-faced peanut butter sandwiches as kids. We also have a passion for turners (sorry to my uncle), but their ice tea is phenomenal. And I won't bore you with more details of our mutual product endorsements.

So, all looks well on the romance end of things. I will try to post again soon. He is out of town for the weekend, so it may not be till next week for an update. : )

 

The Bookcase

The Bookcase

So, before I get you updated on my dating life. I have to tell you about "The Bookcase". For the past four years, I have had a bookcase in my living room. "The Bookcase" is a tall, mahogany colored bookcase (ok, maybe espresso, I have no idea at this point) that my brother bought me for my 27th birthday. There is one major thing that stands out about "The Bookcase", it has never been put together.

Why, you ask? Because the bookcase needs two people to put it together and not one "man" I have dated has ever offered to help me even after not-so-subtle hints. The "X's" have sat in my living room hundreds of times watching television, eating my delicious cuisines and viewing movies, but never even mentioned the infamous "Bookcase." It was like they knew...

The Story of the Book Case:

 So, when I received the bookcase I was 27, I was still living in Florida and boyfriend after boyfriend has seen it sitting propped up in my living room in its original brown cardboard box, but yet not one has said "Hey, Mandi, why don't we put that thing together". When I decided to move from Florida, I simply wrote my name on the box and shipped it up to Pittsburgh, where now it still sits like a bad omen in my living room for the past year and a half (and ahm ahm two boyfriends later).

The Omen:

So my mother has declared that the "man I will marry" will put this bookcase together (yeah, no pressure or anything). So, as you can see there is a jinx, a curse and an omen on the bookcase. I won't even touch the sucker at this point. Half because of superstition and the other half because if I put it together myself will I never meet the "one?"Lol. Sounds silly, ok, it's completely ridiculous, but it's only because of the fact that now it sits there ...all book-less and forlorn staring me down from the corner of my room.

Now considering I read around 12 to 15 novels a year and I'm not a Nook-type girl, my books are really starting to get ticked off. They keep crying to me that they are all strewn about on chairs and shelves despite the fact that a seven-floored mansion awaits them.  Agh, the pressure. Just saying. Damn that Damn bookcase.

Who knew that a bookshelf could cause so much drama.




Next up in "Life in Her Shoes"

As for keeping you "up-to-date". Date number two was postponed due to unforeseen circumstances. I am set to see Mr. Match again on Thursday. So, please 'follow" my new blog and wait and see what happens next.

~ Mandi

Match.com First Guy, First Date!

So, I begin this blog, as a new member, ok a renewed member of match.com looking for love a little too late (according to the standard by laws of the suburban Pittsburgh culture). Last night, I went on a date with a 28 year-old journalist. We traveled to the Silk Elephant in Squirrel Hill for Tapas. 

Now, I know that looks may certainly be deceiving, but his profile had several which showed his face, so I felt like he would certainly be attractive. I had to walk past a large window to walk in and I made sure to gaze down because I could feel his eyes check me over from inside the room before I even had a chance to walk through the doors. I really wished at this point that I didn't know the set-up of the restaurant before I walked through the door. 

Still, it is quite relieving to meet someone on a semi-blind date that fits the description you concocted in your head. Phew...much to my relief. So, on my own sub-conscious check list, I made a mark that he was not at all hard on the eyes. Now, I thought, let's keep our fingers crossed for personality. 

 Now the restaurant was basically empty, but the hostess decided to sit us at a tiny two top which was basically on-top of the only couple in the restaurant near us and they were speaking a foreign language and staring at us. Being in the uber polite, stranger, i'm going to try and impress the heck out of you phase of the night, I decided not to make a crass remark which I would typically make. 

So, we ordered a bottle of wine, which by the way is one amazing invention which certainly is the best alcoholic beverage to order on a date because it gives you a warm, fuzzy, comfortable buzz. Then we proceeded to order one tapas at a time. Like a "taste test of tapas" as we got to know one another. 

The conversation flowed back and forth easily, thank goodness, and we quickly learned about one anothers history and life perspectives. We began easing up around each other, with the occasional nervous knock of a plate. Eventually, we discussed the learning couple next to us and he believed they spoke german, I thought french, they mumbled a lot. I also gave my friends waiting at home the occasional updated text on how he was cute and had a great personality ect...because i'm a woman and that's what we do.

So, dinner wrapped up and we decided to grab a beer at the local bar and catch the end of the hockey game. That's when the hair came down and we could start to really be ourselves. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek sometime between sips and bathroom breaks and he mentioned hanging out again soon, we rested on seeing Prometheus because of his affection for sci-fi and my adoration for scary movies, but it seems he couldn't wait because he will be attending a concert with me tomorrow. There was also some mention of a wedding he doesn't want to go stag to in the Dominican Republic, but that is months away. I guess he was just flirting with the idea. 

The date concluded with him walking me to my car and holding my hand along the way, with a sensual but soft open mouthed kiss under the stars. I feel like you should always add that you were under the stars to make it seem a little more romantic. Good kisser, check! Yes, women constantly makes lists in their minds just in case you were wondering.  Well, we will see how date number two goes.  I guess match.com isn't such a bad idea after all. 

She's Thirty and Single..Gasp!

So, I can't believe you know! That I am thirty and single..gasp! I'm not going to be one of those girls who go around saying "It's awesome" and "everyone else will be getting divorced when I get married" because that isn't the truth. The truth is..it kinda makes you feel...well...singled out.

I lived in Florida for the majority of my twenties, where it is completely acceptable not to be married with kids in your twenties, but upon moving back to Pittsburgh, I got a big dose of reality or pseudo-reality. Everyone, and I mean, everyone, is married and beginning to have babies. It may be true that some day I will find it vindicating if some friends (in other words the ones who shoved their happiness down my throat, or ignore your birthdays because they are so busy with their children) are going through their divorce when I am blissfully walking down the aisle, but as for now I am a slightly bitter Betty.

Granted, I took some time off of trying to live happily ever after with the "one" because in Florida staying youthful means not picking your children up from daycare while juggling laundry lists, bills and the other life necessities of a "mommy". Instead it meant, hopping on the biggest boat you could find, basking in the sunlight by the beach, wearing the most fabulous clothing while getting to know an interesting array of people. Yes, it was awful.

But...sigh...there comes a time when you decide to hang up the bikini and move to a place that you consider has a great education system, cheap housing and ample yards while sadly dragging your Shark Steam mop behind you. Not that I don't love being home and having scintillating conversation that doesn't involve the value of a car, the expense of a house and how awesome your weekend was in Miami.

So, here I am, thirty and single and living in the Burgh. Wish me luck.